Around and around I go,

on the merry-go-round of life.

Making myself nauseous.

Migraine threatens.

A dark and heavy blanket,

to numb away.

I welcome it.

But nothing comes.

I recede into the darkness,

for just a breath of reprieve.

Nothing except fear is found.

Overwhelming.

Fear of finding myself at the point of breaking.

Fear of losing any sense of self-control.

Fear I’m holding on so tight,

that I can’t anymore.

And so I give in to my self-pity,

and lose myself in the process.

This was my pattern…

This can still be my pattern,

when I forget!

But when I remember…

That I will be ok

even through the agonising discomfort.

To my surprise,

I relax!

And in my relaxation I can see my pattern more clearly,

the good, the bad and the ugly.

It is mine…

And so I own it.

My pattern.

Sensation comes.

Aware of the release that is about to happen.

I open up

And I feel the mourning emerge.

Grief, Grieve, Grieving.

Mourning the loss of what is no longer so.

And the pain in between.

Sound erupts.

Movement follows.

Breath surges.

An altered Awareness shows itself.

I let go,

surrender,

and ride the waves…

Fear gives way to pleasure.

To experience.

To flow.

To feel again.

Weaving Willow

I posted this recently on Facebook, typed up over a beautiful image of myself, that Lou took in a moment when I was feeling flow of movement, sensuality and pleasure coursing through my body.

I pressed post, sat back and took a deep breath.

It takes some

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